My name is Amanda Pitkethly, and I am a lecturer in the Sport, Exercise & Health Science group. My main area of teaching and research focuses on the psychology of self-regulation, confidence, and motivation and how we implement long lasting behaviour change in the real world. I am also an HCPC registered Sport & Exercise Psychologist.
All the way through school I struggled with inattention and concentration issues. I tried to be organised but my hundreds of methods (all happening at the same time) never worked. I was disorganised and forgetful, motivationally challenged, I constantly procrastinated. Regularly hearing things like ‘what is wrong with you’, ‘could do so much better if you listened and applied yourself’, ‘be quiet, ‘sit still’. I was excruciatingly nervous one minute and annoyingly hyper the next. I struggled to make friends, I learned to cover things up, used lots of energy to keep still and quiet, pretended I knew what was going on, made excuses for things I couldn’t do or had forgotten. Nobody ever attributed any of this to anything other than me being the problem.
And that is how my life progressed, but when I left the protective structure of my home environment at 18, my life became chaotic. Again, I put this down to personal flaws, and so did everyone else. This all contributed to negative self-esteem that has taken a toll. I will spare you my whole life story (!), but after bouncing from one terrible decision to another, I eventually returned to Uni as a mature student. My BSc, MSc and PhD were hard undiagnosed, but the desire to prove that I wasn’t stupid or lazy drove me to work even harder. But longer working hours and social isolation were vital for me to get through.
I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD ‘combined type’, and this confirmed that something was different and made it possible for me to rethink feelings of guilt and shame around many of the issues that some of my behaviours had resulted in over the years. Having access to treatment helps me feel calmer. I can process information so much better, formulate clearer ideas and articulate these easier than before, as well as complete tasks with more confidence (so I don’t have to check everything for mistakes at least three times over) as my thoughts are definitely less ‘jumpy’. I fidget less and make many fewer impulsive decisions, but I have to confess I have taken three days to write this, I have added, deleted, over and over, I realise it is quite long, but I have not been able to decide what I should leave in, and I’m probably over sharing ... but as this is about me shining a light on ADHD, I feel I can be honest!
Sadly, I do feel that I have to explain to some people (if I tell them) that I have a ‘real’ diagnosis, as there is still a bit of stigma around it. A lot of people say, ‘oh I am forgetful too’, and yes, we all have an executive function that fails on us sometimes, but I shouldn’t have to divulge a long list of life fails and a diagnosis report to prove that I really do have ADHD! Having ADHD also doesn’t mean that we are incapable of doing a good job, we can do anything we choose. It may be done slightly differently, but it will be a really good job!
Lots of research highlights the strengths of people with ADHD, e.g. having high and positive energy, being creative or thinking outside the box, being determined (when a decision is actually made!), easily interested and excited about new things, adventurousness, and willing to take risks.
Happily, I can recognise some of these strengths in me now and life is good. I am in a job that I love, here at Edinburgh Napier, and the area that I work in has helped me learn how to stay healthy … exercise and physical activity have saved me more than a few times. I am also fortunate to be able to support others both in my role and as a mental health champion … and I get to write this in the hope that it helps someone, who is quietly struggling, to reach out for help.